Friday, July 15, 2011

What do you do when things are bad?

Portrait of Wakeema Hollis via LeCoil

Not apocalypse-bad...but bad like...
"You are not who I thought you were"-bad.

Have you ever had to say that to someone?

It sucks. It hurts.

Has someone you care about changed so much, lied so often, that you feel like you can't trust what version of them is the truth?

You can't trust that they themselves know, who they really are. 

Maybe a situation like this IS apocalypse-bad, because that person, has in effect destroyed your vision of them and in doing so rocked your relationship and really...your entire world.

Is that good? Is it good that they "came clean" and tried to make amends?
What if they didn't tell you willingly, but reluctantly, leaking "truthlets" out over months; so that each time you spoke with them, they amended what they had previously said, in order to get a little closer to reality; to the point where you feel like you're the "bad cop" in a lame TV drama, pistol-whipping the truth out of them.

To me, this kind of "flip-flopping" feels like betrayal; to have a picture in your mind of who someone is; and then for them to destroy it by showing you the person underneath.

Am I being articulate? I'm not trying to be convoluted...I hope you get what I'm saying.

What do you do when a loved one has lied to you?

Do you trust them?


How do you know that little lies, aren't linked; fencing in even bigger falsehoods?

How can you have a relationship, any relationship, without trust?

How long until the relationship breaks down, taking you with it?

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