Saturday, July 24, 2010
Hello Dear Readers,
I'm so MAD right now because I'm at my fiance's lab. His LABORATORY-well at least the one he has to work in for today...
If you say "laboratory" with a British accent: "La-BORE-i-tree" it sounds really romantic~*~*. But let me tell you, there's nothing remotely romantic about it!
2 weeks ago, I actually saw a Huge RO@CH carcass on the main floor of the university! I almost just died...I mean come on!
So anyways, yes, why a Laboratory is NOT romantic:
1. Bugs- the scuttle out from around chairs, or you'll think you're safe until you see a carcass. Ewww!!!
2. THIS particular lab is Grimey. It's like, have the students never heard of the word "mop" or "soap" ?
3. The students who regularly work in the lab, are absolute gargoyles. I mean, they are AWFUL women who scream and bicker and let their children run around the lab and fall onto the floor that is littered with shards of broken glass. And those ...gargoyles...have just really been verbally abusive. I wish I could act as childishly as they do and throw a punch! Or at least a good hard slap! Whap! But...I'm a grown up lady and I will not sink to their level. Plus I'm trying to be good, like 2 of my strong female role models: Mrs. Duggar & Victoria Beckham <3 (odd pairing?) But anyways: Yes people, these gargoyle are future professors. There are mental degenerates in all factions of life. Academia seems full of them for some reason. I guess I'll have to keep my identity semi-secret, bc I want to go to grad school. :D So yes, Why laboratories aren't romantic: 1. Horrid Bugs 2. Grimey work space 3. Mentally degenerate gargoyles I guess those are the top 3 reasons. I just had to get that off my chest. In MY world, the laboratory would be clean. It would be a space with wood and glass, letting in sunshine and smelling faintly of "pinesol". It would be filled with Jules Verne-esque aparati, lots of glass bobbles bubbling away with iridescent slightly viscous liquid or softly erupting with voluminous translucent vapors, pouring down the sides. Highly erotic...if you like that sort of thing. I guess it's not erotic at all actually. But to me it is, so whatever! Maybe that's why I 'm with a scientist. Ok, so anyway. There'd be copper & gold instruments, and I'd be wearing a Victorian ensemble, complete with corset. Think Mina in "Bram Stoker's Dracula" when she's out walking on the street and she drops her perfume and Dracula catches it. I'd be wearing THAT outfit. Even the jaunty little hat. And I'd have on an apron: also Victorian style.
(Winona Ryder in Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1992, Columbia Pictures)
And then the Sicilian (my fiance) would come behind me in his round gold rimmed spectacles and gently ask me to pass the "beakers". And I would shiver. (I kind of like science talk...you know, it's just kind of hot, I'm not even sure what a "beaker" is) Then he would whisper on the back of my neck that he loved my ability to ...do scientific stuff...then I'd giggle and then my own gold wire rimmed glasses would fog slightly (think Tiffany gold glasses..I'm not a scientist and I don't wear glasses...but whatever).
Then he'd proceed to plant kisses above my chaste high necked collar. And I'd turn around affronted "Mr. Sicilian! Please! This is highly unusual!" (heh heh heh)
Then he'd turn me around in a blaze of fiery passion and our kiss would burn off all our clothes! And then he'd carry me upstairs to his bedroom, which was clean, and smelled of masculinity (Stetson Black cologne) and soap and wood, and then he'd....well, you know where this is going! Yes! So romantic!
But back to reality:
My Sicilian is diligently staring at his computer, 1 foot away from me as I write, shaking his head because, unbeknownst to me, I started laughing hysterically and drooling while reading the above story. I'm cold. I'm jittery because I'm on the constant look-out for horrid bugs. I'm still amped up from our run-in with the laboratory gargoyles and I wish I'd worn shoes instead of my flip-flops so I could try to ignore the grime.
But later on we are getting to have restaurant pizza & a movie & wine coolers after this! While we move into our new apartment! Hooray!
Talk to you soon~