I'm Back! And I have a new Follower! (my baby girl)

Hi All!

Sorry it's taken me FOREVER (and a day) to get back to blogging. I became a mommy!

I had my baby in early October and it was a beautiful experience.
We did an all natural water birth.

Which means, I did not use any drugs when giving birth to our daughter. I was at a birthing center, with my husband, my mother, 2 midwives and a nurse. It was a very beautiful experience; it was very intimate. My daughter entered the world while I was in a warm bath, which was surrounded by candles, giving the room a soft and comforting glow. My beautiful husband was behind me in the tub, giving me encouraging words the whole time. I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful birthing experience.

I'll be blogging about the birth, being pregnant, and also our "woman & baby centered" birthing classes. As well as my crafting and fine arts since then! As well as my PhD prep! And spirituality! And my relationship! So much has changed :) I'll leave you with a picture of our beautiful baby girl~*~*~ see you soon! ;)

Following Dreams~*~*~*

Portrait via blackhappinesslove

How do you follow your dreams????

Well, the first thing is to HAVE a dream;
multiple dreams, really.

Can you divide your dreams into personal and professional? 

If that’s too daunting or if you’re not sure how to start, maybe begin by writing a “what I’d like” list. That way you’ll practice organizing your thoughts. It’s also good to define WHY you’d like something, so when you’re writing your other lists, you can clarify your thoughts and reaffirm your plans!

Here's an example "what I'd like" list: 

What I’d like:

1- Louis Vuitton Purse

why? It’ll last forever; I won’t have to shop for another purse; It’s stylish, classic and goes with my style.

2- A colorful palette of matte eyeshadows

why? I’d like to be able to try more vibrant eye shadow looks

3- A hot post pregnancy wardrobe

why? I deserve it! ha! And also because I think it’ll help fight depression and I like to look good.

After making your “Thing’s I’d like” list, you should be able to use the same thought process to make your other lists. 

For me, I’m not sure exactly what the endpoint will be. I’m not like “I want to be a professor at a top university and translate documents in my spare time.” I don’t think you have to know what you want to do “at the end of the rainbow” and maybe that’s good because you can’t predict the future and even the best laid plans have a way of growing and changing to accommodate your growing and changing mind (which is a good thing).

So let’s look at an example; basically my goals for the future:

My Professional Goals:

1- Continue my fine arts education and become a better figurative oil painter

why? I’ve always loved painting and while painting, I find a peace and a challenge that I’ve found nowhere else.

2-Get into a Ivy League PhD program in Women’s Studies or Communications

why? I want an advanced degree. I want to study something that's really interesting to me. I want to make a difference in the field and beyond.

3-Finish my PhD dissertation abroad

why? I love France. 

4-Open a B&B with Husband

why? It seems like fun

5-Teach at a University and online

why? I like teaching and it gives me money and more time with my family

6-Do professional editorial work 

why? I like money :D 

I think one thing that holds people back is thinking “I’m too old! I’ll be so old by the time I finish” Well Honey, those years are going to pass no matter what, you’ve just got to decide what you’d like to do with them.

My Personal Goals

1- Be a loving, attentive, and hot wife

why? I love being in love

2- Be fashionable and cute everyday if possible

why? I love looking as hot as I can; makes me feel good!

3- Have a healthy lifestyle and be fit

why? being out of breath is not cool. I’ll have a baby to run after too.

4- Be a positive person and have a healthy outlook

why? It’s better for me and all those around me.

These are ALL pretty lofty goals, so the thing is to start small.

Let’s take #1 of my professional goals. I already have my BA in English from a prestigious college. But applying to a top Professional Art School was a little daunting because I needed a portfolio and to tell you the truth, I didn’t know if I was good enough!

So I took it one step at a time. I did the easiest stuff first: I filled out the application: hey! I know my name and where I live, piece of cake! Then step by step I went through the requirements: asking for recommendations, and slowly making work. First I did research on the type of work I needed and how to best make a portfolio. Then I got to work: I made a schedule of how many pieces I needed to get done and by when and I dove in. I also talked to other artists, people who were also older students, and who had been accepted; and I received some really good advice that was integral to my being accepted (I think).

I wrote the small essay (piece o’ cake again) and was accepted WITH financial aid! Bingo!  It was great. It was a lot of hard work, but it felt great to start class that fall.

So now that I’m “in the motherly way” things are a little more challenging (I can’t oil paint now : (  But I’m in contact with professors and trying to decide how to best proceed for my goals.

**I am also doing the same thing for my PhD. I’m slowly taking notes and gathering my thoughts on what I’d like to focus on and also doing research on how to synthesize my many and varied thought ;)

I’m also studying for the GRE right now, WHILE PREGNANT! oy!

So tell me, what are your dreams?~*~*

Saying "non" to Baby Einstein and My Special Treat!

Bonjour Mes Cheres!

It's such a lovely day! As you can see, I'm really trying to blog more consistently. I totally have the TIME it's just I haven't had the will...you know, with the nausea and all. And then life just got busy with trying to get our flat together for the Baby.

But things have calmed down a bit; our flat is getting back to it's elegant and orderly self and I have more energy than I did 3 months prior :) I'm SO happy about that. My next post REALLY should be an update on my garden...or maybe I should say "garden." I wish someone could help me!

But I digress: Baby Einstein.

Baby Einstein by Disney

Have you heard of this? It's a franchise based around a series of DVDs for babies. Before getting pregnant, I crossed this off as some consumerist scheme to inundate babies with television and encourage passive parenting. But magically after becoming all round and glowy...I began to wonder "will Baby Girl be missing out if we don't get Baby Einstein?"

A little background: Husband and I don't own a television. Ok, that's a lie. My aunt bought us a small portable television last Christmas; and it lives in our closet. However, we do watch maybe 1 television show online per night (legally) but we agreed that we'd rather give our extra time to each other, not the boob tube (and television has literally become the "boob and butt" tube. Maybe if you watch it often, you don't notice how racy and demeaning television, and the media in general is towards women and women's bodies).

But a couple of months ago, my Sicilian showed me a baby prodigy who had apparently watched Baby Einstein and then started playing the piano ferociously well. So that made me wonder...should we try it out?

So I did what everyone does when they have a question: I posted it on my facebook. Let my friends tell me their opinions! Well...after saying my husband and I didn't watch TV so we could spend time with each other, I was confronted by an acquaintance who demanded that I get our unborn child a television! and proceeded to tooted the benefits of tv watching for babies.

Honestly I don't agree with anything she said,  but I didn't want to hurt her feelings (she's also pregnant) so I tried to say nicely that I respect her opinion but that it's not for us.

The reason that I work very part time now, is so I can give our baby all the attention she needs (I also like giving Husband all the attention he needs; because he deserves it and also because that love and attention is mirrored back to me. Meaning, you mimic what you're around everyday: if you're around someone who ignores you; you'll begin to ignore them. If the person you love adores you, you'll find yourself adoring them. This is not a universal, but I think it's true for marriages. Or it can be true if both partners are open).

So anyways, the conclusion is: I don't agree with Baby Television. I didn't like it when I first saw it, and I still don't. Instead when she's tiny, we'll play together. She'll have "tummy time" and a few toys. As she grows a bit bigger, we'll do different activities: singing, drawing, Mommy-Daugther dance class, outside play time, library fun, play dates, and baby sign language. I think active learning, through interacting with real people, is better than passively watching television. We may watch SOME movies later on, but the tv is not a valued member of our household.

It's fine if you don't agree. I'm not the ruler of your life. But Husband and I have decided what's going down in our home. And the constant drone of the boob tube is not happening. I don't like the pseudo-porn that is shown anyway. But we may get a television later on, to watch some wholesome favorites like: Mr. Bean (ha ha! ok, it's not traditional, but it's cute and funny), the Duggars, History Channel, Discovery, and various movies.

We also don't need any tv boobies and booties to add spice to our love life. Just mirroring love and affection to each other seems to be all the spark we need to ignite our blaze...if you know what I mean ;)

Ok, on to my special present....................................
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A Louis Vuitton Ladies Handbag!  Hooray! 

Ok, it's totally not mine yet! I have to work in order to buy it! I refuse to buy luxury items with our savings or with our everyday spending money. That defeats the purpose. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your RENT or your meals out or your everyday necessities to buy a luxury item. If that's the case, you need more money or to wait a bit longer to make a luxury purchase/investment. Unless you're single and having a very well-paying job where you won't be fired, then...I think it's ok :) Or if your parents' give it to you, that's super nice too.

I started thinking about a luxury bag back in 2007. I thought I'd buy a cute little Dooney & Burke, but they are not really my style. Neither were Coach bags (there are some I kind of like now, but none have really jumped out at me).

I'll tell you a secret: I don't like purse shopping. I like my bag to be like my Husband: DEPENDABLE; able to carry heavy loads, handsome, and goes along for the ride, whatever that may be.

I don't like switching purses. I don't like shopping for them. And even thinking about doing it makes me tired. All the purses I have now are pretty poor looking. Strings are popping out, they're broken, the faux leather is cracked, and they're just tired looking. Why? Because I USE them! And they're not Quality!

I bought a black faux lambskin arm bag from Walmart the day we left for Europe. (I know...Walmart?! well, I was rushing to finish packing for our flight and it was the only store that was close!) It was a lovely little purse. It did everything I needed. It handled well and looked great with ALL my outfits. But, at the end of our +2week trip, the top handle which attaches to the "leather" had ripped! :( I still have the purse, and still plan to wear it out, I just wish it would last forever so that whenever I carried it, I could remember those special traveling memories. :)

Apparently, I need a Louis Vuitton. They look chic and they last forever. An acquaintance told me that her mother has had a LV Speedy for 30 years. That sounds like my kind of man...I mean purse! ;)

But...I have to wait and see if I'm hired for this job; since I already said I'm only using my play money (my own personal spending money) to buy luxury items! And after I buy this one special item, the rest of my money will go to our Nest Egg and investments <3

~*~*~Imogen~*~*~

My Naked Palette and a Good Book Find!

I just had to share, I'm so excited!

Husband bought me the "naked" palette from Urban Decay!

courtesy of urbandecay.com

Hooray! He actually bought me the "Dangerous" palette for my birthday (in April) and we just exchanged it today for the Naked. And I LOVE it!

**Edit** I have to confess, when I returned the palette, I said it was unused: TOTALLY THE TRUTH. BUT I'd forgotten that I'd used the eye pencil that came with it and that it was actually IN MY PURSE!!! DUN DUN DUHHHHH!!! I didn't return it or even remember it!

My Hottie Husband was rushing me off so he could get to his martial arts, and with my pregnancy brain I was too distracted to remember until late last night. Well let me tell you mes chères, I was so DISTRAUGHT that I couldn't sleep! I kept tossing and turning, racked with guilt, knowing they thought me such a bad girl, a bad person, a horrible makeup thief, while they cried in the storeroom bemoaning how evilly I had tricked them with my devilish cuteness & cunning  :'(

I was still awake, sopping with guilt at 2am, and as a preggie, I need my sleep! Bien sur! So the only thing that calmed me down was thinking about where Husband and I would buy our European vacation home and what should be our child's second language: French or Italian???.... eventually I fell into a fitful slumber.

Now, as soon as my hottie Sicilian comes home we are dashing to the Makeup Store where I will apologize profusely and buy a replacement eye pencil for my returned UD palette!

Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest! :D Thank you for hearing my confession. Now tell me to do 10 Hail Marys and to wash all my dishes and I'll feel almost all better. :)

Now, I can tell you about how FABOOSH my Urban Decay NAKED palette is!
(yes, I use slightly outdated slang, I don't care. I mean, I'm not one of those posers who uses SUPER outdated non-culturally related slang just to be retro cool. (like me saying "that's so radical dude!" just doesn't fit!  So it does seem a little weird when I see my creamy counterparts saying "hey sistergirl" or "sup" or "what's up my brother" to each other...randomly inserted thoughts are a part of pregnancy!)

So anyways, LOVE THIS MAKEUP!

At first I thought it would be too...neutral for my luscious roasted chestnut skin tone. I was wrong!

I also thought all the colors were basically the same, which is why I passed it up in the first place: wrong again!

The palette is amazing!
I'm not a self-proclaimed "makeup guru" nor am I a "product junkie." I must say that I rarely buy makeup, so that's how I justify buying a $48 set of eye shadows! But let me just say mes petites, that I LOVE these makeups! The eyeshadow is so powdery, but it's not loose and hard to control. They are pigmented, but they don't make me look "ashy," as many makeups do! I really like this. (I also like Bobbi Brown's foundation, blush, and under eye corrector! Lovely!)

Other than my makeup adventure yesterday, I also went to the library! By myself- I should add. Since Husband hardly lets me go anywhere by myself...ever. I only got to go because he was doing Martial Arts! And it was a lovely trip! I found the best book and I'm so excited to read it:

Before Versailles: A Novel of Louis XIV 

by Karleen Koen

 

Let me just say, this seems like a great novel! And not just because of my consummate love of all things French (excluding their men of course, I'm married!)

Usually if a book (novel, non-fiction, or otherwise) doesn't grab me from the first page, I'm bored. I read a LOT and I don't waste my time with duds. That's just how I roll (see, more slang). But yes, this novel was interesting from the prologue. It was actually the sweet and contemplative cover that caught my eye. The woman is not coquettish at all, at least not to me. She looks intelligent, unwillingly charming, and disarmingly challenging...looking boldly at me. So, I accepted her challenge and picked up the book. I got 1/2 way through the first chapter before it was time to go pick up my hot sweaty Sicilian who most likely would look gloriously playful after his hard workout. So needless to say I felt no need to dilly dally at the library ;)

But, I soon discovered that I couldn't check the book out because I remembered that Husband still had my keys and therefore my library card! I was a little more than upset. Unfortunately I was having another bout of Preggie Brain and was wrong again! My Keys were in my purse the whole time!

I really need to wear a wooden sign alerting everyone to the dangers of Preggie Brain. Or perhaps a public service announcement.

But if I concentrate really hard, I CAN be productive and normal!

I have my second interview this week and I'm super excited! I hope they offer me the position.

(Don't tell them about the Preggie Brain)

I admire these strong women

Since I can't find batteries for my camera, I have to push back my first installment of "Becoming a Super Awesome Homesteader." And instead I'll tell you about two women who I truly admire.

Ok, you might disagree with me, and think I'm a bit strange. And that's totally fine.

But I love these two women:

Mrs. Michelle Duggar! and Victoria Beckham


"Weird!" I hear you shout to your computer!

"How?! They're so different!" I hear you call out incredulously!

"No Way!" ...well, you get the idea.

But yes, these are two women in the popular media who I really like and whose adventures I really enjoy reading about or watching.

They may, at first glance, appear to be total opposites, with one being a former international pop star and the other being a homeschooling mom in Arkansas.
But they do share a few similarities.

Michelle Duggar and Victoria Beckham..."They've got something in common!"

1. They both adore their children
Yes, Victoria has 4 while Mrs. Duggar has 19
But through their many interviews and articles, you can see that both women love the fruit of their looms...loins.


2. They both adore their husbands
Victoria and Michelle BOTH GUSH over their husbands:
Victoria...over David's sexiness and how well they suit each other
Michelle...over Jim Bob's humble godliness and how he's the spiritual leader of their home.

(I can respect both feelings, and I feel the same way about my Sicilian! I absolutely adore him. Even when we quarrel, I usually forget like 2 minutes later, and seek him out so we can play scrabble, or so he'll read to us or kiss me. )

3. They both love fashion
It may not be apparent for Mrs. Duggar at first glance, but she DOES enjoy fashion, she's just not dedicated to it. And it's BABY fashion she favors, especially baby hair bands with GIANT FLOWERS attached, and leopard print baby carriers.
Victoria...well, we all know she's becoming a fashion icon in her own right, not only wearing haute couture creations of fashion house legends, but also creating her own lines.


4. They're both relatively financially set and self-sufficient.
With this one, I have to include their families, since their wealth is not singular, but familial. And being "self-sufficient" doesn't mean that you're an island onto yourself. When both you and your spouse can publicly lean on each other for love and support...to me that shows you understand something bigger than your ego: the human need for companionship.

But I think both women (and their families) DO show amazing self-reliance:
Mrs. Duggar's family's motto is: "buy used, save the difference." This enables them to live in a luxuriously grand home they not only paid for, but built to their own specifications. They live debt free. They have income from their TLC show and also the many real estate ventures in which they participate. They Duggars also garden so they can harvest fresh produce and they even make their own laundry detergent!
I have to say that I like Mrs. Duggar's approach a bit more, since it's sustainable...they grow, they save, they flourish. (Yes, they need to recycle a bit more though! I wish one of the many people who complain about this family's carbon footprint would actually offer them some assistance in becoming more eco-knowledgeable!)

Victoria and her family are also self-reliant when it comes to money: Her husband is a multimillion dollar earning sports star. But Posh (Victoria's nickname) also has her own funds: she was a very popular popstar in the 90s, with international success. Remember "Girl Power?" But now, Victoria has taken the fashion world by storm, with her own self-named label, producing dresses worn by stars and dignitaries all over the world. She also recently debuted a handbag collection, to accompany her jeans and eyewear lines.

So both Victoria Beckham and Michelle Duggar are doing well in their finances.

And while I really respect both women, for their differences, as well as their similarities...I'd have to say there is one thing I really appreciate about Mrs. Michelle Duggar: her outright love of God.

It's not too often that people talk about God in the media, without being put in the crazy catagory. The only other person that I can think of who has talked about God in recent years, was Kanye West, with his "Jesus Walks" song. If you don't know it, or immediately cringe because of the name "Kanye West" google the lyrics, and just read them, as you would any other text. Dissect them and see what you get out of it.
I'd be very curious to know your take on it.

ANYWAYS!

I feel that Mrs. Duggars vocal appreciation for all her blessings and her dedication to learning and developing spiritually, puts her a bit ahead of Posh for me. I just feel like, I would LOVE to be as elegant and funny as Victoria Beckham, but I would LOVE even more, to be as sweet and kind and gracious as Michelle Duggar.

AHHHH! I really can't choose! I love them both!

Who do you favor?

(I say they are "strong" because they both stand up to adversity and slander and don't stray from what they believe in. They are both dedicated to family. And they just exude different types of strength at different times: quiet, humble, motherly, daring, exuberant, protective, attractive, feminine. )

An Insulting Racial Compliment

Basically what I wore today

Bonjour Mes Chères,

I'd just like to share with you what happened today:

My husband and I went to an environmental conference today, which was very inspiring and actually helped solidify what I want to actually talk about in my blog (in addition to my everyday adventures and such)!

But before I get to that: at the end of the conference, we left the center, which was held in the downtown of our area and proceeded to cross the street. We were very happy, since my husband had just asked to carry my books, and I'd asked him to marry me again.

We then paused at the curb, hand-in-hand, as we saw two young Black men on a bike, coming down the street. We both smiled slightly and were going to go about our way, when one of the young men said:

"Don't ya got any friends your OWN complexion?! With cha cute ass..."

And proceeded to pedal away.

My husband and I were both a little stunned... gave each other the expression of "Huhhh?" And laughed out of shock. I said something, but then noticed that my Sicilian had taken on a stony expression behind his aviators and now had a very angry red face. He was also smiling...but there was nothing funny about his smile.

Then I blurted to my husband..."well, I AM cute!" and we proceeded to cross the street.

I have to admit, I was a bit scared my husband would run after the guys, but I'm glad he didn't.

I also have to say, I have conflicting feelings:

It was flattering that the offensive young man thought me cute: because it shows women don't need to dress trampy to look very attractive. I was completely covered from head to toe in my outfit, and with my black wool coat on: I was even more conservative, wearing a light blue 50s's style dress with black stockings underneath. I also wore loose, black, calf boots that are more country than city slicker. My hair was down and curly (not the socially normal/expected relaxed hair) with a chic scarf and I had on my little white gloves. And I also had a smile...that is, until boy-wonder on the bike spoke.


Now for the offensive part.

I was very upset and STUNNED that this youth felt he had the right to insult both me, my husband, and our sacred relationship. Not that he could tell that we're married, but whatever happened to respecting your elders? Or minding your own business? Or "If you don't have anything nice to say: keep it to yourself?"

What should we have done?
Yelled after him? And yelled what?
(no super macho or dummy comments like: "I would have knocked him off his bike!" My husband doesn't believe in violence, unless it's for defense. He wants to be Jesus' Homeboy)

What COULD we have done?
(We're adults. We're not in the same culture of "low class" where it's ok to hurl insults to strangers...and in my opinion...people of ANY race or income bracket can be a card-carrying member of the "culture of low/no class")

I guess I could have yelled: "Yes, but he's my husband!" Or "yes, they're called family!" But to be honest, I was stunned, and I'm not very quick with comebacks unfortunately.

You MAY be surprised to hear, but after almost 10 years together...this is our first confrontation with blatant verbal interracial dating criticism/bashing.

And we've lived in the Northeast AND the Midwest.

In the Midwest, people are mostly just curious to see us together.

While in the Northeast, I have to say that while the people weren't outright hostile, they did make vile assumptions behind our backs. While my Sicilian worked at a boarding school in the Northeast, I would come to visit, I sometimes got knowing--condescending smirks from the teachers and insinuating comments from the students; as if I were some sort of slutty woman, when in fact:

I WAS A VIRGIN UNTIL AFTER WE WERE ENGAGED! PAST THE AGE OF 24!

(And damn proud of it, considering how hot my husband is and how often I want him!)

So I was UNFAIRLY bashed/labeled by stuck up, (most likely) sexually-deprived, very wealthy Yuppies AND the rich, spoiled delinquents/ sexual promiscuous adolescents who were put in that school by their parents, because they were unbearable! (I'm still mad. I cherish my honor and had spent my life building a reputation I could be proud of, and being unfairly judged and condemned by such people...was infuriating!!!)

What was I saying????? I hear the blood flowing though my ears and I feel a certain bloodlust that comes with fury! (I kid on the "bloodlust")


Hum, after reading this post, I find an interesting correlation:

In the Northeast, I was unjustly, and non-verbally/underhandedly accused of being some sort of sex vixen.

While today, I was blatantly questioned on whether I had any friends who are "my own complexion."

(It's interesting how today's incident brought up my experience at my Husband's boarding school....)

Unsaid accusations....A question demanding an answer


Both are wrong, and put me in a defensive position.

Both are invasions of privacy.

Both are assumptions.

And both are coming from people of completely different backgrounds...but I think what connects both the snotty, filth-minded wealthy of that school...and the demeaning inquisition of the Black youth, was a lack of understanding about LOVE.

In BOTH situations, instead of immediately thinking: WOW! Those two much love each other, to face the everyday obstacles that come with an interracial relationship.....
They instead pervert our relationship: assuming I'm a "booty-call" instead of a virginal girl of strong morals...or they assume I shun those of "my own complexion" preferring the company of whites.

Although I still feel anger...for both of these situations...I also feel pity for these sorry creatures. Those blinded by greed and consumerism, so even their own offspring take a backseat...and those indefinably and perhaps irreversibly shaped by poverty and neglect, that they imprison themselves in a world with no hope of love.

I doubt neither will know the richness of a love that surpasses made-up borders.

Maybe my anger will wane with time...and I'll pray for them.

Maybe you can pray for me, to give me the strength to not be petty, but forgiving to those less fortunate, not having the riches of love.

On Being a Painter

Hello Dear One,

yes, here's another tidbit, I'm an oil-painter. A full fledged, slightly neurotic, basically obsessed, classically trained oil painter (I feel like I'm in AA).

But in all honesty, painting is sort of an addiction. It's something that I'm drawn to do...pulled to do by compulsion, sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it... while I'm loving it. Painting brings me such joy and despair that sometimes I feel that only another artist could possibly understand such self-inflicted, bless'ed torture.

Why do I bring this up? I'm feeling the desire to paint again. I've felt it for awhile...I've just needed to get my studio in order at home. My apartment is quite a mess right now! From moving, to marrying, to 1/2 month-long Euro honeymoon, to Christmas with relatives... our apartment's sanctity has suffered. I'm only now getting to organizing our place.

My husband bought me a beautiful roll-top desk, upon which sits an amazing antique doll we bought for 5euros in Paris' march aux puces (historic world site flea market!) (Picture to be included after organization).

I love my husband dearly. We both love luxury and beautiful things; things that are gilded and ornate and speak of a bygone past or the fairytale past we are creating with each other.

So later today, I'll be painting...welcoming the seductive tortuous pleasurable pain. I guess for me, oil painting could be likened to a much delayed orgasm...I paint for days, months... but at the end of each day, I'm always JUST on the verge of satisfaction... needing to adjust depth here, add more intense color there. I know that I must continue...struggling, stepping back, leaning in close...it's such an intimate dance; until the last session, when I can look at my work and be satisfied, the ecstasy of creation.



So painting does have a very seductive call, but at the same time, in the back of my mind, I know that fulfillment is a far way off.

Curly Headed Imogen....and her swishy-haired past

Hello Cherished Guest,

I'd like to declare today that I have curly hair!

(me, this morning, delicately shielding my face with an envelope )

("wow" you exclaim sarcastically...very exciting)


But this actually is very exciting news!


I've always worn my hair very long and very straight; coveting and basking in the glory of my long swishy locks that blew in the breeze...softly whispering of my Native American heritage. (I'm Metisse you see, which in the US, just means homogeneous"Black or African American"--which denotes a people who have the same racial heritage. But to me "Black" means very mixed, having the most diverse cultural and racial heritage ever).

Back to topic: I DID love my swishy hair... I loved being able to watch a Pantene commercial and then swish my hair around like the models. I loved the silky feel of my long ponytails and being able to whip them about me. But my hair wasn't unusual to me it was just a part of my life... all the women in my family have swishy hair...accept theirs is natural.


Growing up in all Black neighborhood, where swishy hair was not very common, I wasn't taught that I was "better" than my peers because of my swishy hair...but I WAS treated differently. As a child it was very odd and confusing to be treated differently because of my hair texture and length, it was almost as if I didn't belong.

Another thing that separated me from the other children was their curiosity concerning my Grandmother, who would often come up for Grandparents' Day or other functions. I was confused about why the children of my very urban elementary school called my Grandmother "Indian" and asked if I were Indian too..trying desperately to fit me, this chestnut colored girl with the long straight black hair, into a little box. Since it was the norm for me, my Grandmother's looks weren't unusual. My mother's very fair skin and silky waves of amber were more attributes that made me and my family stick out as a bit unusual.

During that time, I was sometimes I was adored...with girls wanting to comb and braid my hair...

Other times I was ostracized, intentionally: You're a Barbie! You've got Barbie Hair! Bet it smells plastic-y! Bet it's a weave! God! You're such a liar! that is not your real hair! Maybe I'll cut it! Let's pull it!

or unintentionally : "ooo, look at her! her hair just falls straight when she takes out her scrunchy! instead of being stiff! wow!"

But little did they know I actually had a head of very thick....very CURLY hair, that my immediate family had no idea how to handle...

All the women in my family have long, naturally straight or slightly waving hair. I attribute this to my various White and Native American grandparents and great grandparents. I, however, having a Creole grandmother or perhaps it was my glorious African heritage emerging... popped out bald, but later grew an unruly mass of curls on my little hazelnut head.

Instead of conditioning and then allowing them to coil and twist down my back, I think my female relatives were just a bit horrified, or at least at a complete loss on what to do with hair that poofed and curled, that snared buttons and pulled at rings.

So, they brushed, raked, oiled and straightened my curls. I suffered hot combs, hot irons, hot rollers, then later perms/relaxers. And for some reason, my hair did very well with these methods (minus the occasional bald period, when all the mirrors in my house mysteriously disappeared).

I grew to learn how to care for this elbow length swishy hair...never knowing the luxurious curls that were my inheritance.

After my marriage 3 months ago, I decided to chop off the rest of my relaxer (5 inches) and finally see what my curls looked like.

I was VERY surprised to see all the little curls, coils, and curly-Qs that framed my face like some sort of afro-angelic halo!

I have to say I love my curls. And my Sicilian loves them too...little does my family know, he prefers dark, curly hair...finds it mysterious and seductive.

Just last night I said playfully asked my husband:

"What if I said, I'm thinking of straightening my hair?"

Sicilian: "I'd say no, you are forbidden."

(Artistic Rendering of my Husband) ... (the Godfather by Paramount Pictures)

Me: "Why? ((pause)) But why?"

Sicilian: "Your hair looks healthier, naturally silky, and free. I like it"

Me: ((slow seductive smile and ready to take my Sicilian home and show him what comes of such sweet talk))--instead I give him a wink and finish our very delish, very expensive anniversary dinner <3

My family however, has said that my husband is just "humoring me, because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings..."

Yet it's THEIR sentiments that are hurtful! The fact that my FAMILY thinks my god-given hair is "wrong" and should be bound and tamed, just because it's different than theirs is hurtful... and can we say "Internalized racism" much? or is it something else????

I know my family is against my new found curly tresses, preferring the straight swishy hair I've had for so long. But Why? Maybe they want to proclaim our mixed heritage, maybe they want to say, through hair: we're just as good! we can have swishy hair too!

Or maybe through the years they've been brainwashed to think that curly hair is bad, unruly, too seductive, too ethnic, too voluminous....

To all the above I say: Pish Posh!

I love my curly hair! I'm tired of "fitting in"! And I see lots of Black women with tortured hair that's stiff, greasy, horrible looking, and just basically un-natural. And I think their hair would look so much better if it were set free! I begin to think how glorious Black Women would look with their natural hair, how majestic and seductive. (yes, seductive is one of my favorite words)

I think Black hair, is so very unique and versatile. And so many of us curly heads (white, black, korean, hispanic, whoever) are afraid to embrace it. You can do it! Your hair is beautiful and so are you!

Love, Imogen <3