What do you do when things are bad?

Portrait of Wakeema Hollis via LeCoil

Not apocalypse-bad...but bad like...
"You are not who I thought you were"-bad.

Have you ever had to say that to someone?

It sucks. It hurts.

Has someone you care about changed so much, lied so often, that you feel like you can't trust what version of them is the truth?

You can't trust that they themselves know, who they really are. 


Maybe a situation like this IS apocalypse-bad, because that person, has in effect destroyed your vision of them and in doing so rocked your relationship and really...your entire world.

Is that good? Is it good that they "came clean" and tried to make amends?
What if they didn't tell you willingly, but reluctantly, leaking "truthlets" out over months; so that each time you spoke with them, they amended what they had previously said, in order to get a little closer to reality; to the point where you feel like you're the "bad cop" in a lame TV drama, pistol-whipping the truth out of them.

To me, this kind of "flip-flopping" feels like betrayal; to have a picture in your mind of who someone is; and then for them to destroy it by showing you the person underneath.

Am I being articulate? I'm not trying to be convoluted...I hope you get what I'm saying.

What do you do when a loved one has lied to you?

Do you trust them?

How?

How do you know that little lies, aren't linked; fencing in even bigger falsehoods?


How can you have a relationship, any relationship, without trust?


How long until the relationship breaks down, taking you with it?

When family isn’t supportive of your hopes and dreams… or just YOU.

Portrait by Sølve Sundsbø
via le coil

I consider myself to be really blessed. I have faith in a higher power; in God. And I have the imagination to come up with dreams and the determination to see them made real.

I count myself as blessed because of many things, but two of my greatest blessings are the love and support I receive from my Mother and Husband. Although I have quite a large family, I’d have to say I truly depend on those two; if I’m a dream weaver, they are my dream believers!

I won’t go into the unsupportive words and actions that can rear their ugly heads in familial relations, but I will take a moment to try and explore the root of being unsupportive…when dealing with someone of your blood.

I think being un-supportive comes from:

1. Fear- They fear that you’ll fail. They fear that you’ll succeed. They fear the unknown.

2. Jealousy- They’re jealous that they weren’t able to try, or go further with their own dreams. They’re jealous because they don’t even remember what it’s like to have dreams.

3. Ignorance- They think that their way, their ideas, their desires, are the only ones that truly count and they refuse to go beyond their own viewpoint

4. Obliviousness/Insensitivity- They don’t see or understand that their rude comments hurt your feelings. “Why should they hurt? If you weren’t so weird, then you’d agree me.”

5. Immaturity- They are unable to step back and look at the big picture, but instead fight to be right or to assert their own misbegotten righteousness.

6. Cruelty- They know they’re hurting you and they just don’t care

I had to deal with an insensitive relative today. It’s not that this person doesn’t love me, it’s just that they think that I should think exactly the way they do. And when I don’t think the way they prefer, they call me names and belittle my ideas.

Not a sign of maturity.  But I don’t think maturity is gained through years on Earth, but rather we become mature by…actively growing in mind, thought, and emotion.

I’ll tell you the truth, I was angry with this person.

But then I reflected on their life, on their stresses, their medical conditions, their general outlook on life, their refusal to reach for more, their inability to care for themselves but to stubbornly care for others, I became sad and also came to the conclusion that while we may not see eye to eye, I love this person and they love me. They ridicule me and they don’t understand me. They hurt my feelings.

But after reflection, I’ve decided not to take their actions personally. I just think this person has some more growing to do.

And maybe I can help them … and our relationship… by being mature and understanding and by trying to set a good example.


How do you handle un-supportive family and/or friends?